...

The tears we shed in our sleep are the only genuine tears we shed in our lives. The waking tears are self-pity.

lapse of memory

My last Stammtish in Jyvaskyla~!!! The theme was 'carnival'. Well, to tell the truth, I have only heard about it through some fancy pictures in travel books and a famous(one of my favorites) Korean band. So... what is a carnival? According to my handy-dictionary I see infront of me, right now, it is a public festival, usually one that happens at a regular time each year, that involves music and dancing in the streets, for which people wear colorful clothes... and for Catholic meaning, it is a crazy 3-day festival comes before the Lent. Since during the Lent, people were banned to eat meat and so that's why people wanted to enjoy themselves with meat and have fun. Rio de Janeiro is famous for it. Ok... but sorry for the description, I wore black clothe...kkkk.... and Stefy wore her curtain-sari(Indian traditional costume)~ and for her earing, she wore Korean ornament, No-ri-gae.

On the way to the campus... I loved the colors of the houses... with snowy scenery.

People could be classified by the times they live in. In my mother's case, she lives in the past. For my brother, I beilieve he lives in the future... and for me, I thought I live just now, in the present... But thesedays, I feel like I am stuck in the middle of past and present. I keep on seeing the illusions of my past days... and it's hurting me alot. It's hurting me by itself, but also, it makes my heart ache with the fact that it is fading and loosing it's color. The vividness of those days are fading... The fact it's fading.... makes me crazy... and acute pain occur that 'past is past and never can be brought as it was now anymore'.

There was a poet who sang that the spring is ruthless, cruel season. And I beilieve so. Why everhthing seems so new and full of energy while I am not so? Spring let the miserable one excluded from the changing world. Sometimes... when I feel so hopeless, I start to see myself hating newly sprouting cute baby-greens. Yes, I am jealous of them. They have enough reason to be watched amiably, but I stare at them with hate.

It's stupid to flow away precious 'present' by wasting podering about pasts of futures... I know.. I know... but why can't help it? Oh... my...

About Taking Pictures

Once, I thought taking pictures by cameras would copy what I see in the exact same way...
But it wasn't true. Whether it can be quite similar to what I watch, the picture could not contain or tell anything about what I felt at that moment vividly. It can only provoke the past memories which are changed alot in my faded memory. Since, we are mortal and cannot resist keep on changing, we might hang desperately to photos... to snap the 'moment' we like to keep.

Well... well... Sometimes ago, someguy told me that it is worth to pay attention to what we see and spend moretime with our eyes.... and try to catch what we see but waht we feel and think with the scenery. I beileve that's quite true in some sense. Of course, due to my poor, poor picture skills, just watching would far better to do than taking photographs... hehe. However, these days, I want to learn to take photos which contain what I feel... I want to take photos which do not just copy, but tell some stories... like paintings...


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Little Prince... When I was 6th grade, I was mad about the world we leave. Why can't everyone just leave like a little prince? Why? We could be nice and pure to one another and simply the world would be a nice place to stay. Haha... I was naive, too much naive. Now, I've changed alot. I don't admire the little prince anymore. Actually, I do hate hime now. I envy his purity. How could...?! I hate him. I hate his innocence. Want to assert that he is just being a hypocrat who wants to be loved by everyone. We cannot beloved by all... why don't you know? I hate the little prince since I am jealous...

Conslation

It's so hard or never possible to put oneself up after a serious heart break...




Spring봄
(lyric from one of Korean singers I like...)


하루종일 그대 생각 뿐입니다
All day long, I think of you
그래도 그리운 날은 꿈에서 보입니다
Still I can see you in my dreams

요즘의 사람들은 기다림을 모르는지
People in theses days seems not to know 'how to wait'
미련도 없이 너무 쉽게 쉽게 헤어집니다
They say good-bye too... easily without lingerings

여름이 가고 가을오면 원망도 깊어져 가요
When summer goes and autumn comes, bitterness grows
겨울이 지나 봄이 오면 또 기다릴 수 있겠죠
When winter goes and spring comes, I can wait for you once more

그대와 나 사이 눈물로 흐르는 강
Flowing tear river between you and me
그대는 아득하게 멀게만 보입니다
You seems to be so far away

올 해가 지나면 한 살이 또 느네요
I become one more years-old when this year passes
그래도 다행인 것은 그대도 그렇네요
Nevertheless, a happy feature in a misfortune, you are so, too...

.
.
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그리 쉽게 잊지 않을 겁니다
I cannot forget you that easily...



p.s. really want to put the song in this blog, but don't know how.

fleeting days...

Sorry for the friends who probably expected my pictures from my winter break. BUT do not worry. I will sure to put them up one by one afterwards~ Just I need some time to restore my thoughts and make my emotion stable..

I have one more month in Jyvaskyla and it's 31days which can be transfer into 744hours!!!
That's quite a lot! Isn't it? However... that there is an definite 'end' cannot be changed. Of course, there should be an end if there is a start. Well, it's a pity about the limited time of my staying here, though it isn't the topic I wanted to talk about now. Hm... well, it can be in some sense related. Well... Well...


What should I do before I perish to be able to say "I am satised with my life" at the end?

Stay healthy...
Hang around with my real good friends...
Prepare my thesis for the master's degree...
Meet someone I truely love and have a happy family...
Be successful in the worklife...
Earn lot of money and spend them for my joy~ (this is nice, indeed)
Watch great things, eat delicious food, put on luxiourious stuff...
Travel around the world and experience various, interesting things...

and after that?

I thought about 'death' quite a lot, still I don't have an answer to it.
Should I flip it away like Confucius did, "If you have time to think about death, do something better to live better when you are alive"... To tell the truth, the quotation is not the exact one he said. It's my version... haha. Still, human are mortal, I am sure this would be neverending questioned topic.


After all, I believe that people can only remain forever in other people's hearts...

So let us LOVE one another.


p.s. Though I say good things like above, in reality, I am just a shabby one who struggle with really trivial, minor, childish things... shame on me!!! haha T T

A dog's barking philosophy....

LOVE... hm. Well, thesedays, quite a lot of people around me(including me, of course) are thinking about the same thing.

There are many kinds of love, but now, I want to talk about the "eros" between two lovers. The theme 'love' is too prevalent that it sounds stale and makes us sneer at it. But things turn different when it comes to right to you. Yes... it's kind of self-contradictory, but it's true. In Korea, we say that when it comes to oneself, it is 'beautiful romance' and to other one, it is 'dirty cheating'. haha...well, it's not the point I want to talk about. I just wanted to emphsize how much one could be blind when the one falls in love with someone.

It's too hard to meet someone just fit to one. How could one know? Well...it's tricky to answer. Even everyone says that the guy you are going out is totally a freak, if he is OK for you, and seems cute, it means 'fits you'. But better hope not so, since the relationship without any approval from people around is too hard to maintain.

Love relationships are like betting for me. Well...we should bet our belief without firm conviction. And usually, when things turn to amiss, the winner in the love game is the one who doesn't love the other more... funny... but the one who holds the power and upper status is the one who love less. But please not try to be winner in the love games... it's not romantic at all if you do so. Sometimes... loosing is better, isn't it??

Well...well, however, actually, I envy those who are still enthusiastic seeking for one's lover. I envy those who love without considering the reality... Once, I believed I also had such passion and zeal...but I feel they are all gone... I am worned out. It feels all one to me. I am empty and need to be filled... haha. Well, maybe better just staying empty. Not sure...

People say that one should be careful in choosing lovers and be picky to choose the 'right' one. But...sometimes, I dream about just falling in love with someone just too madly to calculate things, like in common romantic movies. I am tired of our world's snobbish love relationships... hate it, still cannot get rid of it... shame on me. Could there be someone who love me un-conditionally? (execpt my mother and brother... hehe.) To tell the truth... I don't think so. I cannot beileve in love, till now. Could someone change me? Could I be changed?

Focaccia & Frittele

12/5~!!! This day was full of Italian cuisine~!!! Stefania, once more started cooking and this time, she made three kinds of Italina food!!! (I am just so lucky to have her as my roomate!) In this blog, I happen to load only two kinds, however, there was one more cuisine before focaccia and frittele! I forgot the name of it, but it looked like this(It's not my own picture...). It was beef meatballs and tasted perfect! Beef, garlic, cheese, egg... all the good stuff were in there~ I think I don't need to worry about my nutritions living with Stef!


Although I scraped this picture from google, it really resembles Stef's one!



It was a dough... kneaded almost an hour!!! Stefania really did some work on it! After kneading about an hour, she told me that she understands why her mother was reluctant to bake something needs kneading works. I was quite glad to hear what she is preparing, since I knew what 'focaccia' was! It was one of my favorite selection in the backery in front of my uni. in Korea. I love focaccia's tasty, a little bit salty, plain, ingenious flavor! Well, well, this dough is destined to be a fabulous focaccia afterwards!


moving in to the oven after shaped up.. :)

Don't be worried. It's not parted focaccia! haha~ It's another kind of Italian food named Frittele. We use the same dough which is used to bake focaccia, and it's a variation version. Instead of baking, it is fried in oil. Stefania explained me that Frittele is a typical food which is made in her region on 12/8 for the saint Immaculata(It is also my cousin's Catholic name!)

It's our little version of focaccia~(forgot how to say focaccia in 'female' version!) We were sooo full, but kept on eating as usual...kkkkk (Really, now, I've got to worry about fitting in my clothes!) They were so good to resist! I'm sure that if Stefania helped the witch from Hanzel and Gretel, the witch probably succeed to make Hanzel chubby enough to eat up! Stefania has a gift in cooking!

Stef's upside-down focaccia!!! As it looks perfect, it tasted just perfect!

Trying to photo three of us but I covered our baby focaccia~

Happy with food... (EJ, you look too happy...;;;;)


My flat chef!!! STEFANIA!!! I am so happy to have the chance to taste 'live', 'real' Italian dishes! Thank for my roomy! I feel sorry for the guys who missed this opportunity~ haha! Well, want them? You need to visit our flat just in the right time! :)